"Not Much Between Despair and Ecstasy"
By Ani 

Chapter Nine - All I Ever Wanted 

      She found him knocked out on the rougher cliffs of the mountain. She landed quickly, checking him over as she called his name. "Trunks, come on, he needs us! Trunks, wake up!"
      "Ughh... Zandre, where's Gohan? What's going on?" Trunks groaned as he got up. 
      "We don't have much time, Trunks, he's barely holding on; we gotta go!" Zandre practically yelled as she started off.
      Trunks shook his dazed confusion, only knowing that he couldn't lose his mentor, the closest thing he had to a father. He followed her until he could make out the faint trace of Gohan's ki. Zandre forced Trunks to land about three blocks away, running to Gohan.
      As he caught up he yelled out, "Why did we just do that, Zandre?"
      "They don't know about me and I hope to keep it that way," she called out just as they got within eyesight.
      Gohan was barely on his knees, Seventeen holding him up by his head as Eighteen pummeled his chest. Seventeen's clothes were ragged, his right arm was hanging motionless and backwards, and his whole right side was badly burned. From that distance Gohan looked like he took just as much as he gave, until they stacked the odds.
      Zandre forcibly kept Trunks at her side, placing her hands on his shoulders. "Trunks, give her your most powerful blast. I'm gonna try to add my ki to yours; I should be able to help control it, so don't worry," she said as she moved behind him, hands still on his shoulders.
      He didn't hesitate for a second, calling up his anger and frustration, slipping into Super Saiyajin as he collected the energy in his hands. She closed her eyes as she poured her energy into him; half to help her concentrate, half to burn that image from her mind. A scream, a yell, and Trunks escaping her grip brought her back.
      Zandre saw Trunks fly after a retreating form and a humongous ki ball. A grunt took her to her reason for being. She was at his side in seconds, already healing the worst. "Gohan, don't you dare die on me! Not now!" She tried to sound authoritative through her tears.
      "Zan... dre, don't... it's too..." Gohan tried to say, his jaw broken.
      She had to force herself not to slap him. "Don't you dare put our baby through the life we had!"
      The shock tried to register on his broken, swollen face. "Aahh... baby?"
      She paused long enough to take his hand, placing it over her lower stomach and letting the faint little ki be known to him. "Yes, Gohan, a baby. Please stay alive, Gohan! Keep fighting for me and our baby," she told him at they both felt Trunks approach. 
      "For both of..." Gohan tried as the pain took over. 

      A reassuring hand on her shoulder brought her out of her half-sleep. 
      "So, how is he?" Bulma asked from behind her.
      "All I left were some of the breaks and most of the minor cuts. But his ki's so weak anyway I'm scared he won't..." Zandre responded, stroking his hair.
      "If what you told him is true, he'll make it. Gohan won't put his own child through his life," Bulma said, watching as Zandre slowly blushed.
      "I forget how good their hearing is," she replied, turning to Bulma. "So, where is he, anyway? I told him Gohan's condition and he ran out."
      "He went after ChiChi. He wanted to know Gohan would be okay before he left. You know how she is," Bulma replied.
      Zandre got up and went to what was left of his clothes. "Only too well." She paused as she checked his pockets, pulling out a tape, "Wow, it survived that," she said, smiling.
      "What is that?"
      "I gave it to him after we made up, after I made him realize losing his arm didn't mean he'd lose me. I sent him home with it the next morning," Zandre replied, slowly going back to his side, thinking.
      "What is it, Zandre? Is there something wrong?" Bulma asked.
      "I just... I'm worried how he's gonna feel when he realizes..." she said, her eyes falling to the tape.
      "You mean... are you sure?"
      "It would have to be. The last time we... was four months before that, the night before he lost his arm. It's been five months since that, I'd be showing some, I would have known sooner if that were true," Zandre rationed, keeping her voice low.
      A silence fell over the room, both women wondering. Bulma turned to Zandre, a sudden wash of mothering overcoming her as she watched the young woman trying to solve her problems. She followed Zandre's gaze, eyes falling on the tape as she got the idea. Bulma quickly stepped out, grabbing the closest stereo she could find. She came back and set it up within arms reach of the bed. She took the tape out of Zandre's hands and started playing it.
      "Bulma, why...?"
      "Don't dwell on your problems. Remember the good times. I'm sure it's safe enough for you to climb in with him, right?"
      She caught a faint smile play on Zandre's face as she turned back to Gohan, slowly gently joining him in the bed. Bulma quietly walked out, placing a hand over ChiChi's mouth as the met in the doorway. "Don't you dare ruin this for them, ChiChi! They are happy and madly in love. She almost lost him. If it wasn't for the baby she's carrying your son would have no reason to keep fighting, to keep living."
      ChiChi just stood there, staring at the lovers in the bed. "Trunks said she healed most but he's still pretty weak. If they are making me a grandma, Gohan will pull through. He's too much like his father." She paused, moving to lean on the wall, still watching them. "They really do belong together. She's been one of the good things in his life."
      Bulma leaned back against the door, shocked. "ChiChi, last time you said anything about Zandre you were mad at her for forgetting Gohan. What's changed?"
      ChiChi smiled and Bulma turned to see Gohan snuggling closer into Zandre's embrace. She turned back as ChiChi started to explain, "That was a little over a month ago. Not long after that I walked in on Daddy talking to her on the phone. Zandre made me realize I'd been treating him wrong, that he's got to adapt not that I've got the change everything for him. And... I found out he wanted it that way. He was still trying to protect her. I just had to accept that..." She stopped, tears welling in her eyes. 
      "...that he's a grown man. But you'll always be his mother," Zandre picked up, scaring both women. She shifted a little so she could see them, catching Trunks peeking through the doorway. "I knew I got through to Ox, but I didn't know about you. Oh, and Trunks, come on in."
      He blushingly walked in as ChiChi said, "Now you know you did."
      Zandre quickly sat up, turning to Gohan before he groaned, his eyes slowly opening. "Where... Zandre? Am I still...?"
      She smiled, leaning in, kissing him passionately. "What do you think?"
      He smiled at her as she slowly pulled away. "I definitely am. But why do I feel so weak?"
      Zandre gently stroked his once-broken jaw. "I healed most of it. But you've got to remember I can only heal physical injuries; I can't replenish your ki, my love. You've got to do that yourself, with plenty of sleep," she replied around a yawn.
      "Sleep..." he mumbled. "You need to, too. After all this healing and being..." Gohan stopped, the knowledge re-emerging.
      "Yes, we are going to have a baby Gohan," she said as she laid next to him again. "And you are right, we both need to sleep," she added, her head nestling on his left shoulder.
      The others took the cue, silently slipping out. Once they were alone, Gohan's hand went to her stomach, stoking in disbelief. Zandre reached out, stopping his hand, letting that little ki through. Slowly a smile crossed his face as he drifted off. She laid there, a little confused and shocked as her exhaustion took over. 

      The slow push and pull of kis woke Zandre early that morning. She jumped as she realized she was alone in the bed. She got up as fast as she could, running through the building, closing in on his ki. She found him outside, blasting and swinging at Trunks who was blocking and dodging. With so many emotions overcoming her, Zandre took off, heading home.
      Both half-Saiyajins jumped at the burst of energy. Gohan's head fell as Trunks said, "You knew she'd be upset."
      Gohan gave him a reassuring smile before he took off after her. He didn't even try to overtake or even catch up to her. She deserves this. He gently landed on her doorstep, now mindful of his injuries.
      As he walked in, Gohan scanned the house, finding her where he thought he would. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, her back to the door, curled around what he felt as little brother. Her shoulders slightly shaking made him realize she was crying.
      Her head popped up as Gohan entered the room; going to the stereo she kept in there. He watched her wipe away her tears and place little brother on the bed as he put in the tape. He felt her move up behind him as he pushed play.
      "So, how much of my healing have you messed up, Gohan?" she asked, going professional to try to hide her pain.
      He turned to her and reached out, pressing his fingers to her lips as the song started playing. 

...sending on more angels
on a restless wind
all I ever wanted was the simple things
if a love like ours means anything
show me a sign hon
an' dip your wings... 

      As soon as the first verse finished, Zandre turned away and went to the window, keeping her back to him. Gohan slowly joined her, stopping about a foot behind her. As the song stopped, they stood in silence for a while, lost in their feelings.
      "Zandre, I'm sorry if did that. It was wrong. Trunks tried to stop me, talk me out of it, but I just kept pushing. I'm sorry." He paused, his hand going to her shoulder. "Zandre, please tell me how you feel..."
      She spun around, turning on him. "How I feel!! How mad I am that you even THOUGHT of doing that! That you were willing to let those things kill you! That you weren't even thinking about who you were leaving behind, what that would have done to us! Goddamn you, Gohan, for being so damn stubborn!" she exclaimed, forcibly removing his hand.
      "But Zandre, I didn't know about..."
      "I'm not just talking about the baby! I mean Trunks, Bulma, your mom and grandpa, little brother and me! Did you even once think about us? Did you!?" she screamed, hitting his chest.
      "Of course I did. I couldn't get you out of my mind! I knew all of them would be strong if I did die. Everyone knows it may happen that way. But I was worried about you! I knew you'd be strong for everyone else, but you wouldn't have anyone to be strong for you. I wasn't sure if little brother would be enough. I don't ever want to leave you, Zandre! I love you too much!" he replied, his arm pulling her close.
      The gentle caring hold and his words broke her down. The tears started flowing as her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. "Oh, Gohan! I was terrified I was gonna lose you! I couldn't live without you! I love you too! I was so scared our baby was gonna grow up like I did! I didn't want our child growing up only knowing you through stories. And I couldn't even think what to do with little brother," she said in his ear.
      He gently stroked her back, whispering, "Just let it all out. I can't promise it won't happen, but I can promise that I'll never let it happen again. They'll know me, Zandre, both of them. I love all of you. And... thanks."
      She pulled back a little, looking him in the eye. "Why, Gohan?"
      "For letting me help with your problem. For telling me how you feel. For letting me be in your shoes," he said, absently wiping away her tears.
      She weakly smiled as she put her head back on his shoulder. "You're welcome, Gohan. And thanks."
      He smiled as he wrapped he arm around her, content to just stay there. Unfortunately, she had other ideas. After a few minutes more, Zandre reluctantly pulled away, "We should be getting back. It's not good for you to be up like this, and at least your mom is probably paranoid about you. Let's go," she said, putting her left arm around his waist.
      "I hate to admit it, but you're right about all of it," Gohan admitted as they walked through the house.
      Zandre stopped outside the kitchen door, a puzzled look on her face as she turned to him. "Are you strong enough to fly back or do I have to dig out one of my transport capsules?"
      Gohan stood there for a while, lost in thought and suddenly chuckled, "No, I'm not, but I've got another idea, if it'll work," he chuckled again, pulling her outside. They took a step off the landing, and, taking as deep a breath as he could, Gohan yelled near the top of his lungs, "Nimbus!!"
      A little gold cloud suddenly streamed out of the sky, stopping in front of them. He chuckled again as he took he arm off her shoulders and patted the cloud. "I was wondering if you were still around." 
      Zandre slowly walked up, amazed. "It's real. It's actually real."
      "How would you have...?" Gohan started, confused.
      "When Papa taught me how to fly, I asked if there was another way. He said he had a friend who had this little gold cloud he could fly on if he yelled for it. I should have realized he was talking about your father," Zandre replied.
      "Master Roshi gave it to my father before he learned how to fly. I was beginning to wonder if it was even around anymore," Gohan added as he slowly started to hover.
      Zandre quickly helped, her arm going back around his waist as they lowered onto it. "So, do I get a lift?" she teased.
      "Have I ever turned you down?" he asked.
      "Well..." she teased, playfully poking his good side.
      "Let's go, Nimbus! On to Capsule Corps," Gohan called, laughter joining its golden streak.