Author's Note: There's citrus, oh yeah, there's citrus. "Not Much Between Despair and Ecstasy" By Ani Chapter Eight - The One Thing I'm Sure Of He slipped into the kitchen quickly as he realized he was alone. He went to the makeshift phone and dialed a new number. "Hello?" "Hello, Zandre-san, it's me, Ox-King." "Is your back acting up again? I can be there in a few..." Zandre started. "No, no, my back has never been better, Zandre-san. But I have been wondering why you haven't been spending much time with Gohan? Especially since he's..." Ox-King replied. There was a long pause before she answered, "Well, Ox-King, it's because I'm trying hard not to change the way our life together was," Zandre replied, her voice shaky. "What do you mean?" "Ox, think about it, Gohan's lost his left arm. His whole life's been turned upside down because of that. I'm sure he feels like he's lost control, he's got to re-learn, adjust to his life. It's not going to help him if we change everything so he doesn't have to do it or help him do it." "But Zandre-san..." he started. "Let me put it another way. How did you used to feel when your back would go bad and Gohan and ChiChi would have to do things for you?" she asked. "It would be nice at first, but..." "As it went on it got annoying, frustrating. How do you think Gohan feels, knowing he could do it, knowing he can, figuring out some way to, only to have one of you do it for him?" Zandre picked up. "Oh. I never thought about that," Gohan overheard. "I know it's hard to treat him like you used to, like nothing's changed. He needs to do things on his own, regain his sense of control." "I understand, Zandre-san," Ox agreed solemnly. "You've got to do it. He needs to realize he can live with it, adjust, but he also has to realize we've got to too. So please don't tell him about this, that's why I haven't been by. I'm giving him some sense of control, independence." "Okay, I won't tell him. Thank you for explaining this, Zandre-san," Gohan heard as he left, ChiChi overheard as she walked in with the laundry. "Daddy, are you talking to her? Give me that phone! Zandre, how could you be so cruel? I thought you cared for my son!" ChiChi roared, dropping the basket and grabbing the phone. "I do!! I love your son more than life!! That's why I've done what he's asked! He doesn't need his life turned upside down just because he's lost his arm. He needs to know that his life is not different just because he's lost his arm!! Sure, he's got to adjust, adapt, but doing everything for him isn't helping at all!!" Zandre screamed into the phone. She slammed it off, turning to go shower, hoping to release her tension and remove any sign of her tears. She just put the last dish away and turned to hang up the towel when she felt it. It kept teetering between 'just to make her know I'm here' to 'please come to me, I need you'. She threw the towel on the counter and headed for the door. There he was, at the edge of the cliff with his back to her. As she slowly went to him, she noticed his left sleeve, empty and flapping in the breeze. "Why did you...?" stopped her about three feet behind him. "You asked me to. It hurt, but I did. You know I still... it was hard, but you asked me to. I just had to remember watching you say that... all that pain and determination... I just kept reminding myself why," she answered, slowly inching closer. She saw him slowly nod in understanding, the pent-in sobs shaking him. Her left hand went out, slowly tracing the character on his back and he let it out. A heart-wrenching yell as he fell to his knees, pounding the ground, letting the grief, pain, and anger loose all at once. She just stood there awhile, not sure what to do. As the sobs took control, she sat in front of him, stroking his head, neck and shoulders, doing what she could to soothe that pain. He slowly stopped crying and, realizing his head was in her lap, he sat up. She just smiled and rose, pulling him to his feet and into the house. She sat him on the couch, then got him a glass of water. She hesitated at first where to sit, but sat to his left as he finished off the water. He slowly put the glass on the coffee table, not looking at her and said, "Zandre... I'll understand if you never..." She felt like slapping him. "Gohan, I can't. I love you." She paused, rising to kneel in front of him. "I love what's inside, not this body. I can't just turn it off because of this," she said, as her right hand covered what remained of his left arm, her left taking his chin, making him look her in the eyes. "I know this is going to be hard for you and me to adjust to, to accept, but we can and we will," she said, finding her fingers absently caressing his shoulder, tears standing in his eyes. She quickly pulled away, only to have her hand caught in his. He nodded once, and slowly removed his shirt, letting her see what was left. His head rested on her left shoulder as her fingers traced the intricate scars on his. She felt the tears fall as she leaned in, covering the area with kisses. She slowly started them up his neck, when he pulled away. "Zandre, no... I don't... want your... pity." "Who said this is pity? I love you, Gohan. And I can think of no better way to prove it," she replied, her hands sliding down his muscular scarred chest, past his belt to rest on his slowly stiffening member. His hand snapped out, pulling hers away. "Zandre... I said no pity. Especially from you." She suddenly took his hand in both of hers, placing it between her dampening thighs. "Does this feel like pity to you?" He sat there; staring in shock as he slowly realized she was wearing what she usually wore to bed, nothing but an oversized blue-gray t-shirt. She took full advantage of his shock, hands stroking him through his clothes, pulling at the belt and waistbands, trying to gain access. She suddenly stopped, shivering in pleasure as his shock wore off, his fingers probing slowly. She fought to maintain some sense of self-control, realizing how this had to feel to him. She almost cried out as he moved to kiss her, his hand leaving her feeling empty and aching. His hand slowly moved up her body, caressing her as he gathered her shirt. She fought the urge to pull it off, help him out, still she moved her arms just right so as he pulled it over her head it fell in a pile on the table behind her. He took her hand, helping her stand; his eyes never leaving hers. She stood tall proud and beautiful in front of him and for a moment he reveled in that fact, that this magnificent woman really loved him. He snapped out of that as he felt her hands slowly cup his face, turning it to hers. He responded to this unspoken signal; scooting closer to the edge of the couch, bringing his heat and need closer. She leaned down, kissing him quick before pressing his mouth to her breasts. She held him to his task as his hand went to remove the last bit of his clothes. She smiled as she felt his hand finally return to her body, slowly sliding from her thigh to her waist to the small of her back. She pulled his head away from her breast, up to her mouth leaning him back as she slowly straddled him, her hands floating down to his manhood. The tremble she caused in him was more than enough proof that he was willing. He removed her hands and, in an amazing show of strength, lifted her into position. A gratified moan escaped her lips as she felt his familiar form fill and complete her. Losing what control she had, she pressed his face to her breasts again as they both started moving in that pleasing satisfying rhythm. She almost giggled, feeling the pleasure and power building between them. The energy slowly built around them, making them slowly rise until they were hovering about two feet above the couch. She pulled back to watch his face as the ecstasy began to overtake her. She moaned loudly as it hit, watching his body react, his head snapping back, his short black hair flushing a pale blonde, those coal-black eyes she could always read turning a brilliant blue-green, matching hers. As suddenly as he transformed, he reverted back and they fell to the couch with a loud flop. They both sat there, laughing as much as they could out of breath. As they calmed down, she reluctantly pulled off of him, sitting to his left, placing her legs across his lap. "That didn't happen before," she stated as she laid back. "I didn't even know it could," he replied, his hand absently rubbing her knees. She propped herself up on her elbows. "Do you want to see if it will again?" His eyes darted to their laps and she could feel his response. She giggled slightly as she sat up, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a deep, meaningful kiss. Before she realized it, his arm slipped under her knees, lifting her and he rose, heading for her bedroom. They fell asleep not long after, but she was soon woken up by gently choked sobbing. She opened her eyes to find they were facing each other, Gohan's armless shoulder painfully visible. His hand stole over his face as soon as she woke. She didn't know what to do. She hesitantly reached for him, only to have him pull away. "Gohan, I want to help. Tell me what I can do?" "Can you give me my arm back? Can you make everyone stop pitying me? Can you make them realize I'm not an invalid? I can still do things," he almost yelled at her. She moved closer, deliberately putting her hand on his left shoulder, "No, I can't do those things, and yes, I know you can still do things, you've proven tonight that you can do them even better. But you've got to remember; we've got to adjust to this just like you do. I've fought against urge after urge since you got here. I just kept reminding myself, it won't help him adjust, find some way to compensate if I do it for him," she said, tears welling up. "I can see why this would upset you, make you mad. But I know you, and how you don't let others know you're mad at them. It's okay, Gohan, that you don't want to get mad at them, but you've got to say something when they treat you like that. They probably don't even realize it. It won't change until you ask them to," she finished, a few tears silently falling to the pillow, her own pain clearly written on her face. His hand slowly left his face and went to hers, wiping away the tears. She looked him in the eye, seeing all the pain so clearly, but a tiny glimmer of hope and understanding was peeking through. It made her smile; slowly, gently, realizing she had helped him. She reached out, pulling him close as they let all their pain and tears loose. She woke just as the sun started peeking in her window. She rolled over to see him heading for his clothes. She quickly pulled on her robe and followed. She stood in the doorway and forced herself to just watch as he slowly pulled his clothes back on. As he finished, he turned to her and what she saw almost broke her heart; he was just as melancholy and full of pain as he had been when he arrived last night. She went to him and took his hand. "Remember what I told you last night, Gohan. You have to say something to make then realize it, make them stop. Okay?" Her pain was coming across in her voice. He made their hands go to her cheek, made her look him in the eye. "What about you? How do you feel?" She pulled him into the kitchen; near the stereo she kept there, and took a tape out of the machine. She put it in his hand; tapping the side it was ready for. "Listen to this side when you get home. It explains better than I could." He gave a little smile. "Fits our life huh?", and slipped it in his pocket. She nodded briefly and kissed him. They slowly pulled apart and he stoked her cheek, his thanks so clearly written in his eyes. They moved to the front door, and stood briefly not knowing what to do. "You should get going. Your mom's probably worried sick by now." "Yeah... Zandre, thanks..." "Hey, I love you. It's what I'm here for," she replied, hugging him tightly. "I know. I love you too," she felt his reply rumbling through his muscular chest. They pulled apart and her hands drifted to his face. "Don't ever hesitate about coming back. If you ever need to, you know where to find me." He smiled at all the love and worry he heard in her voice. "I know and I will," he leaned in, kissing her with every ounce of love he had for her. When it finally finished, she had to lean on the doorframe to keep standing. He gently stroked her cheek and turned away, going to the edge of the cliff. He turned to get one last look at her as she slowly started rising. She smiled as said, "Remember." He returned the smile, just as warm loving and playful, "I will," he replied, leaving her watching until he couldn't be seen. He landed in front of the house, the scents telling him his mother was awake. He decided to go on in; if she asked, he'd tell her he just need some air. As he walked in, he saw his mother rush to the kitchen door and stand there, fighting some inner struggle. She knows. Bulma must have told her to let me have some time alone. But I wasn't alone. He almost smiled. He went to kiss his mother. "Good morning, Mama. Is it okay if I shower before breakfast?" "Yes, Gohan dear, it's not quite done yet. Be careful you don't wake your grandfather." "Yes, 'kaasan." As soon as he was out of sight, he pulled the tape out of his pocket. He popped it in the little radio they kept in the bathroom and started the tape just as he hopped in the shower. ...so if you're feeling lonely, don't you're the only one I ever want I only wanna make it good So if I love ya a little more than I should Please forgive me I know not what I do Please forgive me I can't stop loving you Don't deny me this pain I'm going through Please forgive me If I need you like I do Please believe every word I way is true Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you... Gohan was glad he was in the shower. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another note: The song is "Please Forgive Me" by Bryan Adams.