Note: Mild citrus and heavy emotion. 

"Not Much Between Despair and Ecstasy"
By Ani 

Chapter Seven - Livin' Inside This Hell 

      She'd been antsy for almost an hour now. She'd shut herself in the laundry room, holding little brother as she felt the push and pull of kis in battle. Both if them slowly weakening made her put him down. "I've got to do something." 

      He'd suddenly woken up, knowing he had to see her, fulfill the dream. He pulled on his pants and slipped out his window, flying straight to her house. He landed at her bedroom window, amazed to find it locked. He gently tapped on it, making his presence known, touching her mind with his.
      He watched her slowly wake, a slightly annoyed look on her face until she looked out her window. She stood and quickly came over, opened the window and said, "Gohan, it's three in the morning, why are you here?"
      He reached out; pulling her through and taking off; kissing her below her ear before answering, "I had a dream about us and that hidden spring you almost..." He didn't finish, running kisses down her neck.
      "I almost... oh, gods... that was months ago, before we..." she replied, her hands roaming all over him.
      'I know. I've had the dream almost every night since then,' he thought, his mouth busy kissing her as his hands pulled her shirt higher.
      'Then why...' she tried to think, her body being exposed to the cool rushing night air, his lips going to one breast, his hand gently kneading the other.
      'This time... we made love as we flew there,' he thought, pulling one of her hands to his pants.
      She took the hint, quickly trying to free his... 

      "…Gohan. Gohan, can you hear me?" 

      They hovered about three feet above ground, neither sure they could stand or who was supporting who. Zandre slowly pulled away, kissing him as he withdrew. Putting her down first, Gohan slowly landed, testing his legs. She turned away, going to the water's edge. "This is almost the same spot."
      "Uh-huh."
      She looked over her shoulder to find him standing there, staring. "So, what do I do?" she asked, smiling innocently, "This?"
      Zandre walked into the pond, stopping when it was ankle deep, taking the bottom of her shirt and slowly pulling it up as she walked deeper in. As it got waist deep, she stopped, pulling it completely off, and turning to Gohan, threw it at him. "Will you stop gawking and join me?" 

      "Gohan, come on, talk to me," brought him slowly back to consciousness.
      He opened his eyes to find himself in the infirmary at Capsule Corp., Bulma and Zandre both tending to all his injuries. He watched as Zandre reached over him, to his left shoulder and then reached out, stopping her. "No, help Trunks first."
      "Don't you remember, you gave him the last senzu bean. He went after ChiChi," she gently replied, putting his hand back on the bed, reaching for his left shoulder again.
      He didn't even realize what he'd done until he heard her hand hit the bed rail. She pulled back in shock, rubbing her hand as he said, "Don't."
      "Gohan, she's just trying to..." Bulma stopped at the angry look he gave her.
      "What is it, Gohan?" Zandre asked, her voice low, shaky.
      "I don't want you to. Just go away and stay away," he said, turning to look at her, his face set in a cold, determined glare. "I want to do it myself."
      She just stared, then slowly nodded, turning away before the tears started to fall. She walked out, opening the door just as ChiChi got there. She slipped on past, leaving ChiChi and Trunks behind.
      "Why isn't Gohan healed?" ChiChi screamed, stomping her foot as she turned to Zandre.
      She quickly turned, yelling, "Because that stubborn, idiot son of yours won't let me!", her anger at the son finding a release in the mother. Zandre quickly turned, running out of the building, taking off toward her house. 

      Someone knocking on her bedroom door woke Zandre up. "Zandre, I'm sorry but we need your help out here," Trunks called through the door.
      She slowly got up, wiping her face. She picked up little brother and went to the dining room. "We were doing fine until this little girl showed up," Trunks said, following her.
      Zandre stopped, amazed to see Bulma leaning over a five-year-old girl that was sitting on the table, trying to figure out her problem. She passed little brother to Trunks and turned to her patient. "So, what's wrong here?" she asked as cheerfully as she could. 

      As Bulma showed them out, Zandre sat at the table, Trunks giving back little brother. Bulma came in and sat next to her, saying, "We thought you could use some help today. When we got here, you were still asleep, so we tried to do it without you. There were only two others."
      "You don't have to dance around it, Bulma. He's mad at me for some reason."
      "No, he's not, Zandre, you know it's because of..." She stopped, both turning to Trunks.
      He stood there, trying to hold in the tears, getting a small smile from Zandre. He's so much like... She looked him in the eyes. "You know..." Trunks just barely nodded, his lips almost quivering into a smile. "Then go," she said as she turned away, feeling him rush past her.
      Bulma rose, about to go after, when Zandre stopped her. "Let him go. He needs to be alone. This is one of the hardest lessons."
      "What do you mean?"
      "No matter how strong you are, you still have to face the consequences. Someone will get hurt. Don't get me wrong; I'm not blaming him. After a while, he won't either."
      They fell silent, both knowing how long Gohan carried all his guilt. "You know he's not mad at you, Zandre."
      "I don't know, but something about me got him angry," she replied, the tears welling up as she stroked little brother.
      "Well, how does he feel about you healing him?" Bulma asked getting analytical.
      "He'll only let me do the serious ones. And it is..." she replied.
      "Maybe something happened before that..." Bulma stopped as Zandre's face fell.
      Her tears silently started as she hugged little brother, whispering, "Oh, Kami!"
      Bulma put a hand on her shoulder and asked, "What is it, Zandre? What happened?"
      "He was knocking on my window at three in the morning. I opened it and asked why he was here, and before I knew it he pulled me through the window and we took off. He said he'd had a dream about us making love as we flew to a hidden spring and he just had to make it real," she replied, turning to Bulma, absently wiping her tears.
      "You think that's why?" Bulma asked.
      "Not all. It's part of it. I don't know how to explain it or why he thinks so, but I think he meant something else."
      "He tells you he doesn't want you to heal him, to go away, I want to do it myself, you two made love early that morning and you're reading what?" Bulma asked, confused.
      "I think... I think he feels I'll do everything for him now that..." she said, her tears breaking through again.
      "You think...?"
      "That's most of it. But the others are part of it," she finished, hanging her head, trying to hide her pain. Why would he think...?
      Bulma sat there, wondering what to do. She finally stood up, hugging Zandre from behind, and said, "I'll talk to him about it when I get back."
      Zandre gently shook her head, "Don't. You know he won't... I think I should stay away for a while. He'll get madder if I come." She paused, turning to Bulma. "If I did, it would just prove how he's feeling."
      Bulma lightly chuckled, "I think his aim's off. ChiChi's barely left his side."
      She 'humph'ed, "She still treats him like he's seven." Zandre paused, thinking, "But what would you do if that were your son?"
      "That's just too scary to think!" Bulma said, trying to shake the feelings it evoked.
      Zandre stood slowly, turning to Bulma. "Why don't you go back? I think I'll just go turn off the light and call it a day," she said, trying to hold back her pain.
      Bulma looked her in the eye, seeing all that pain and a determination to bear it. "I can keep you posted on his condition," she offered, remembering loving a stubborn man herself.
      Zandre smiled weakly, responding mentally, 'Just a stray thought now and then.'
      Bulma jumped a little, not used to that sort of thing, "Okay, then. Zandre, stay hopeful. I'm sure he'll be out here apologizing as soon as he's able."
      Zandre smiled, holding little brother to one side as Bulma hugged her good-bye. She walked her to her aircar, watching her take off, before turning to the path up to the light. Zandre slowly walked up the mountain, absently stroking little brother as she came to the tower it was rigged on.
      She unlocked the box, pulling the switch, pausing as she heard someone jump above her.
      "It's okay, Trunks, I'm just turning it off," she said, turning to the pale lavender hair hanging over the edge.
      "Mom left!?" It was more of a statement then a question.
      "Yes. I told her we both needed time alone," Zandre replied, turning to go down the path.
      "Zandre...?" made her stop.
      "I meant it, Trunks. Whenever you're ready."
      "Thanks," he replied.
      "Anytime," she said, going home. 

      It had been two of the longest months in her life. She'd occasionally peek in Bulma's mind, asking about him, even though Bulma showed up every Saturday telling her how he was physically and mentally. Trunks had almost taken over Gohan's place, picking up some of his habits. She'd catch him watching her gather; sometimes he'd show up with some injury he didn't want to show Bulma. There were even times he'd offer to help, staying all day, spending his free time with little brother.
      That afternoon had been amazingly busy, but she saw his hair at one point and feeling little brother being moved in her bedroom confirmed it. Zandre knew he needed some time to himself, so she kept working. As the flow stopped, she turned off the light and went back to her room, only to find him asleep curled around little brother, Gohan's shirt laid out on the pillow.
      Zandre slowly left him, going into the kitchen. She dialed up Bulma's number, knowing he wouldn't be leaving til morning. She started throwing something together for supper as she waited.
      "Hello?"
      "Hello, Bulma, it's me. He's here, been crying for hours from the looks of him."
      "Zandre, oh thank Kami he's not alone. Did he say anything?"
      "No, why?"
      "Gohan's healed completely. We took the casts off today. Trunks sat through it all, staring at his face. When Gohan started flexing his arm, accepting that... he bolted out as fast as he could. Gohan said to leave him be, let him figure it out. Then he sort of spaced out. I think he knows Trunks has been spending so much time with you."
      "He knows I'd..." Zandre paused, controlling herself. "Is he looking for him?"
      "No, he left here six hours ago. ChiChi called about ten minutes ago asking when he'd be home."
      She barely sent her mind out, feeling his flinch away. "He's okay, just trying to get used to..." she replied, turning back to her cooking. "Gotta go before I burn dinner. Talk to ya tomorrow."
      "Bye, Zandre, tell him I love him."
      "He knows, but I'll tell him," Zandre replied, turning to find him in the doorway.
      "You called Mom."
      "Just to tell her you were here. She said she'd be by tomorrow," Zandre said, pulling dinner together.
      "She told you about him then? That he's healed now."
      "Yeah, he's pulled the disappearing act. ChiChi's worried sick," she said, serving the meal.
      Zandre sat at the table and ate, watching as Trunks stared at the food, torn between his hunger or his mentor. "Sit down and eat, Trunks. Gohan's okay, he just needs some time alone to accept that he's lost his arm, and away from ChiChi," she added, trying to lighten his mood.
      He suppressed a chuckle as he sat. "And I thought my mom was overprotective," he said before devouring his food.
      She smiled at him, watching him act like he normally did, knowing it would all come out later. "Believe it or not, but mine was worse."
      "No way! No one could be worse than ChiChi!" Trunks exclaimed.
      "Try having your mother tell you all you can do is hide your ki. No practice, no flying, only hiding. If you got caught doing anything else, you got the worst possible punishment for a whole month," Zandre answered, getting up to start dishes.
      He quickly brought his dishes over. "Boy, that had to suck. I never thought anyone could be worse, but yours was."
      She was surprised when he grabbed a towel and started drying. "It was bad, but I found ways to do what little I know. I'd do it when she was gone. I have something she never told me I couldn't use."
      "How could your healing help?" he asked confused.
      'Not my healing, silly, my ESP,' she thought, making him jump.
      "Wow! You'd use it so you'd know when she was getting close, right?" he asked excitedly.
      "Yeah, for a lot of other things too," she said, winking at him.
      He laughed as they put the dishes away. As they finished, Zandre turned to him and asked, "You gonna keep yourself occupied for a while? I've got to take a shower."
      Trunks nodded, turning to her bookshelf. "Maybe I can find one I haven't read."
      "If you haven't, there's probably stuff in it your mom doesn't want you to read," she laughed, heading for the bathroom. 

      Zandre came out in a tie-dye tee and some boxers to find Trunks curled up on her bed again, reading. "So, you get to the good parts yet?" she teased.
      "No, it's taking forever just to describe the setting," he replied, pausing to watch her brush her hair. She was quickly and a little harshly getting all the knots out, a small smile crossing her face as she watched him flinch a few times. "How can you stand it?" she heard him ask.
      "Simple, my hair's always been long and thick. After all the years of brushing it, you get a little used to the pulling and the knots," Zandre replied as she finished, coming over to sit on the other side of the bed.
      She turned to the nightstand, grabbing her book when he asked, "Can we talk?"
      "Sure," she replied, putting her book away and picking up little brother.
      "I... I still don't know what happened. We were fighting them; he had Seventeen and I had Eighteen. Neither one was budging, then suddenly she started overpowering me. I tried to get it back, I never called for help, but..." Trunks rattled out like he was reliving it in his mind.
      "He did, didn't he?"
      "Uh-huh. Now he was fighting both and he wasn't strong enough. I tried to help, but then they fired this huge ki ball. I woke up healed when you landed and I realized he'd given me the last senzu bean," he said, curling on his side, facing her, Gohan's shirt clutched in his hands. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I should have fought harder, done something. If only I hadn't asked to come along," he said burying his face in the shirt.
      "Not you too," she said, pulling the shirt from his face. "I did this with Gohan too. He blamed himself for everyone's death. I told him the same thing I'm gonna tell you. Do you honestly think he blames you, Trunks?"
      "No, not really," he replied, trying to hold back his tears.
      "Of course he doesn't. Gohan knows you did your best; otherwise he wouldn't have let you come along, right? If you've got to blame someone, blame the Jinzouningen; they're the ones who hurt him, Trunks, you didn't," she said, putting little brother between them.
      Trunks inched closer, his arm reaching out over little brother, across her lap. Zandre patted that hand, her other going to his face, pushing the hair from his eyes. "It'll be all right Trunks, you'll see. Now go to sleep," she said, rubbing his back.
      He smiled through his tears, closing his eyes and was soon lost in sleep. Zandre smiled at him as she pulled Gohan's shirt from his hand, bringing it to her face, breathing in his scent. I waited for you once, I'll wait for you again. She twisted within Trunks' arms, trying to cover little brother with the shirt, then adjusting her pillows. As she finished, she reached for the covers bunched at the end, covering them all up as she said, "Sleep well, everyone," and leaned back, closing her eyes. 

      After a few minutes, he turned from the window and flew home. 

      It was almost sunset and she was sitting on the edge of the cliff, waiting. It had been four months since the fight and Gohan had picked up Trunks' training again. She met Trunks out here almost every night since they started, to heal him a little, both mentally and physically. She had gotten up and was just about to go back in when she heard him weakly call, "Zandre."
      She turned to the city again to see Trunks, severely beaten and barely airborne, coming to her, Gohan floating a good thirty feet away, not even scratched. She turned back to Trunks, who was slowly going lower and lower. She flew out to him, supporting him until they landed on the cliff.
      "You didn't have to be so rough with him. Just because you're training him doesn't mean he's your personal punching bag! Don't take your anger out on him!" Zandre snapped as she helped Trunks to lie down.
      Trunks grabbed her hand. "Stop, Zandre, that why he beat me so bad, I started yelling at him for how he's treated you," he whispered, letting her remove his hand.
      Zandre quickly checked him over, healing what had to be first, responding, "That's sweet of you, Trunks, but that's our problem not yours."
      "But Zandre, you're my friend and I can't sit by and let him..." 
      "TRUNKS!!" Gohan bellowed, his anger so obvious in his voice.
      Zandre turned to him in shock, that her gentle, caring Gohan could sound so cruel. "There, I healed the worst and only half-healed the others. That only makes it two days until you're healed completely, but that should be more than enough time for him the control his temper. I want you to go home and go to bed, then come here and help me the next two days; that way he won't hurt you more," she said, helping Trunks up.
      "But Zandre..." Trunks said.
      "Go, before I make them worse. Anyway, he knows where I'm at when he's ready to talk," she said as she turned to Gohan, his face a determined mask. "Go home, Trunks," she said as she started toward hers.
      "See you tomorrow, I guess," he replied, turning to Gohan as he started off.
      "Go," Gohan replied, watching her go inside. 

      He left as the last light went out.