Warning: This part is a lemon. It takes a while to get to, but it is a lemon. 

"Not Much Between Despair and Ecstasy"
By Ani 

Chapter Six - Believing For So Long 

      "Zandre! Gohan! Are you in there? What have you done with my son? Where is he? Gohan, you better not be hiding anything from me! Come out here now!" woke Zandre up bright and early the next morning.
      She quickly pulled on her robe, rushing to the door to find ChiChi pounding on it, Ox King trying to calm her down. Zandre opened the door and ChiChi rushed inside, checking each room over, still yelling at her son.
      Zandre turned to the only coherent guest she had. "What's going on, Ox King?"
      "Oi, Zandre-san, Gohan told up last night he was going to talk to you. ChiChi went to get him for breakfast and realized he never came home. Is he here?" Ox King asked just as ChiChi returned to the entryway.
      "He did show up here last night and we did talk. I accidentally brought up some painful memories of his. He didn't want me to see how much it was hurting him, so I told him it was okay if he left, and he did. I thought he'd go home after he got control of himself."
      "Well, he didn't! My poor baby's out there somewhere hurting and you just let him go! How could you do that to him?" ChiChi almost yelled in Zandre's face.
      "Simple. BECAUSE HE'S A GROWN MAN! I accepted that he didn't want to talk about it, that he wanted to be alone, so I told him to go. He CAN take care of himself! He MAY need help with some of his problems, but it won't help HIM until he realizes it. Gohan's NOT a child anymore! He doesn't need or want you continually pressing him to talk, to stop fighting, to dump all your problems with what he's doing on him! He knows how you feel and he hates the fact you do, but he can't change his life just for you! If you really care, you'd be more worried about how he feels not how his actions are hurting you!!" Zandre yelled, turning on her.
      ChiChi almost fainted; amazed anyone would talk to her like that. She stood by in shock as Zandre turned to Ox King, "Why don't you two go home? I think I know where he is. I'll go change and bring him home as fast as I can," Zandre said, turning to go back to her room. 

      They were pressing on him again. All his reasons to fight. All those he lost. All his mother's expectations. Every person that had died because he couldn't kill two androids.
      He'd left Zandre's house and came right out here. The badlands he used to train in with his father, with Piccolo. He could almost feel them there, encouraging him, pushing him harder. His movements got swifter, stronger as their presence gained strength.
      Before he realized it, he was moving as if actually fighting them, visualizing them there. He kicked, punched, jabbed, blocked, and blasted at imaginary foes. They both jumped away, flying in circles around him, crossing paths in front and behind him.
      He grinned wickedly and brought his cupped hands together, focusing his ki, "Kame... ha... me... HA!" he yelled, twisting and firing it behind him.
      "NOOO!!" he screamed as he made Zandre's form out within the path of the blast.
      She had stopped as she noticed the blast fired, approaching her with blinding speed. She crossed her arms in front of her face and braced herself, ready to block. Gohan stood by in shock and watched as she braced herself, his Kamehameha blocked and dissipating around her.
      Zandre shook the ringing in her ears and landed, running to him as he fell to his knees. "It's okay, Gohan. I'm fine. Don't worry about me," she replied, kneeling in front of him.
      "I could have killed you," he said, nodding in disagreement, tears rolling down his cheeks.
      "No you couldn't, Gohan. I would have dodged it if it would have been that strong." She paused as he put his head in her lap, his arms going around her waist. "It's okay, Gohan, let it all out," Zandre whispered, stroking his back. Letting him cry his heart out. 

      They landed outside his house almost an hour after she found him. Neither said a word as they walked in the house, Gohan leaning heavily on her. They went straight to his room; she helped him get in bed, still wearing his clothes. He was out before she pulled the covers around his neck. 
      She silently walked out, stopping in the kitchen, ChiChi and Ox King still in shock. "Nothing to worry about, he's just exhausted. I'd tell you to leave him alone, but he's sleeping so heavily you couldn't wake him no matter what you did." With that said, Zandre started outside.
      "Wait," stopped her halfway out the door. She turned to see ChiChi watching her, her hand held up. "Thank you," she whispered. 
      "He means a lot to me."
      "I know that now. I also realize... I have been... selfish all these years, trying to get Gohan to change back to that little boy I could protect... But he's... not that... little boy anymore. I want to thank you for making me see that."
      "I'm sorry for being so harsh, but I just couldn't stand there and listen to you treat him like he's five or six. I'm glad it helped, but I'm sor..." Zandre said.
      "It's okay. I'm glad to know there's someone who'll protect him, even from me," ChiChi interrupted.
      Zandre bowed deeply, "It's an honor." She paused, turning back to the door, "Besides, he means too much for me not to," she said before she left. 

      "Come on, Miko, push!" Zandre encouraged the soon-to-be mother that arrived at her door a few hours ago.
      The almost-grandfather was helping his daughter, the almost new father pacing nervously behind Zandre. Suddenly the makeshift phone Bulma had left her started ringing. Zandre turned to the expectant father and said, "If you won't help here, go in the kitchen and answer that!"
      He jumped at her tone, then rushed out of her spare room to answer it. He hesitantly picked it up. "Zandre's house."
      Gohan's hopes were squelched. "Is Zandre there?" he asked nervously.
      "Yes, but she's busy at the moment," was followed by Miko yelling in pain.
      "Oh. Tell her Gohan called," he quickly replied, hanging up.
      A baby's scream pulled the new father back to the spare room. Zandre was just handing the newborn girl to her mother as he walked in. "So, who was it?" she said, turning to the father.
      "Huh... oh, some guy named Gohan," he replied, going to his wife and daughter.
      Gohan! I wonder why he called. I haven't seen or felt him for two days. I hope he's okay, Zandre thought, getting worried about him as she watched the little family oohing over its newest member. 

      Gohan landed on her cliff, shocked again to find the front door was wide open. He quickly walked to the house, stopping halfway as he heard Zandre's voice. "You are not naming this baby girl after me!"
      He stayed where he was, watching as Zandre walked out of the kitchen, carrying a little bundle in her arms. "Sorry, little one, this bar isn't open. Let's go see mommy," Gohan heard her tell the baby, walking over to look in the spare room's window. Zandre gently woke the new mother, showing her how to position the baby and stood back, smiling as the father and grandfather started arguing over the name.
      "You are not naming her after me!" Zandre said again, turning to the window, seeing Gohan and said to them, "You'll have to excuse me, someone is waiting for me outside." She rushed outside, stopping about two feet from him. "Is something wrong, Gohan?" she asked, her worry and fear coming across.
      He gently smiled, "No, Zandre. I finally figured it out. It's time I admitted it. I love you, Zandre."
      What?! But why...?"
      "I couldn't tell you... admit to these feelings before because... well, you said it best, I didn't want to pull you into the dangerous life I lead. And I didn't. But I also didn't want you to give up yours. I told you, after my month here, that you gave me a safe haven. A place I could be me. Forget my power. Forget my past. Forget my duty. I could have the kind of life I always wanted," he started.
      "But..."
      "But I couldn't forget that, not completely. When I told you I couldn't explore this relationship further, I'd realized I'd already pulled you in too far. I couldn't risk losing you because I... But then, the bandits attacked and I realized then I couldn't leave you out, even before little brother was explained. I tired, I tried. But the dance made me realize I can't.
      "When we were talking, you showed me what you want, how much you believe, care for me. I left in tears because... I had one more person to protect, who loved me. Also because I realized we are already tied together, I'm as much a part of your life as you are mine." Gohan paused, tears in his eyes.
      Zandre nodded silently, tears running down her cheeks as he continued, "I knew I had to do whatever's necessary to protect you, to save you from what Momma and Bulma have gone through, so I went out to practice. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw my blast heading straight for you, it happened again as you blocked and when you said you were okay."
      "I've spent these last two days thinking Zandre. I've been so scared of pulling you into my life all this time because of what could happen to you. But you showed me that you can be a part of my life, that you can take care of yourself and everyone else. I didn't want to because you'd be loosing the life I wanted to live. But I realized all I really want is you. We can make our own life together," Gohan said nervously.
      Zandre closed in, hugging him tightly, "That's all I've wanted Gohan. Ever since the day we met. I love you," she replied, burying her face in his chest.
      He held her tight, finally letting himself savor the feel of her. He slowly took her chin, turning her to him, kissing her with all the love and tenderness he felt for her. They both stood there for a moment, lost in the kiss, before hands started roaming over bodies, stroking the long-hidden passion. Gohan's mouth slowly released hers, running kisses down her neck, his hands finding her breasts.
      A baby's scream suddenly brought her back to reality. "Gohan, Gohan, we can't. Not now. They won't be able to leave until tomorrow."
      His head fell to rest on her shoulder. "I don't know if I can last until tomorrow," he whispered, sending shivers down her spine.
      Zandre reached up, pulling the bandanna from her hair and placing it in his hand. "Here. Something to fuel your fantasies," she half-joked.
      He lifted his head, and removing his right wristband said, "At least part of me can join you tonight," putting it on her right wrist, kissing the palm.
      Zandre took the bandana, twisting it around his wrist, replacing the exchanged band. "So I can join you in your dreams tonight," she said, pulling him into a kiss.
      The baby crying pulled them apart again. Gohan reluctantly backed away, not wanting to lose sight of her. 'Tell me when,' he thought.
      'Not a second later. It's been too long already,' she replied, watching as he flew away. 

      It had been an unbelievably long and tiring day for her. They started right after breakfast and didn't stop until sunset. It was just as bad as the last rampage of the Jinzouninjin. She even checked with Bulma if they were at it anywhere, even though every patient gave a viable reason besides the androids.
      As soon as the flow stopped, Zandre turned off the red light and showered, hoping it would wake her up. She had just gotten out and started to eat some of the food that was given to her, when she saw his wristband, remembering as she slipped it back on.
      'So, is it safe to come?' his mind voice suddenly intruded.
      'It is on this side, I don't know about on yours,' she replied. 
      'I'll be there in a few minutes,' Gohan replied smugly; she could already feel his ki approaching.
      'Come on in,' she thought seductively, heading for her bedroom. 'I'll be waiting.' 

      Gohan landed on her doorstep and went on in, for once not upset at her about the door. He headed straight for her bedroom, sending a cursory glance toward the laundry room, feeling his presence within. As he got to the doorway he stopped, a slow smile crossing his face.
      Zandre was stretched across the bed on her stomach, wearing a large blue-gray tee shirt that was riding a little too high underneath her, her damp, deep green hair fanned out to her left, lost in sleep. He stood there watching her amazed by her simple beauty. Her right hand slipped out from underneath the pillows and he almost laughed. So she's still wearing it. I have to tell her how hard it was to explain this, he thought as he moved his right hand, adjusting her bandanna.
      Zandre squirmed a little more, causing her shirt to move a little, giving him a new urge. Gohan slowly removed his shirts, quietly placing them on the floor as he sat down on the end of the bed, silently removing his boots. He stood and moving to the left of the bed, slipped in under her right arm.
      Zandre snuggled close, feeling the warmth of his body, her right leg moving onto his. Gohan slipped he right arm under her neck, losing it in her hair as she placed her head on his shoulder. That movement tried to rekindle his passion as he realized how high her shirt was riding.
      Zandre slowly woke up, reaching to her right to turn on a tape she usually listened to as she went to sleep. Moving her leg to reach it, she suddenly realized someone was with her. She quickly pushed the button and adjusted the volume, innocently rubbing her breasts against him. Gohan groaned in pleasure, still lost in sleep. She got a little nervous as she tried to get back in her place, feeling their bodies responding to her movements. He left hand moved, slowly running up her right leg, stopping at her hip underneath the shirt. His fingers started to make slow little circles and she slowly turned to him, realizing he was awake.
      Gohan slowly opened his eyes, smiling at her as his hand started sliding higher. Zandre reached back, gently stopping his hand.
      "Is something wrong, Zandre?" Gohan asked, ready to get up.
      "No, Gohan, nothing is wrong. It's finally going right for me, for us. But... I wanted to tell you how I feel. You bared your soul, it's time I did mine," she replied.
      He slowly nodded his understanding and she smiled. "It's kind of ironic, really. You were so scared of pulling me into your life, when part of me wants so much to be in that life." She paused, pressing her fingers to his lips. "You don't understand. The reason I got so good at hiding my ki is it was all I was allowed to do after we left the monastery. Mama didn't want to be reminded of Papa. I'm surprised she still let me heal people," she said, her hand sliding down to his heart, drawing slow little circles around it.
      "I remember watching them practice, tales Papa told me of his fights. As I grew up, I'd watch the fights, collect articles, anything to keep some tie to Papa. Then They came and Mama thought we should... I was so happy; I'd get to see him again, maybe even fight with him. But as we came he..." She paused, a few silent tears running down her cheeks.
      He wiped them away as she continued, "I was suddenly alone, not sure what to do. I kept coming, hoping someone would teach me how to fight. But, as I was coming, I realized I had another ability, one that I didn't need any training for. That's when I remembered Papa telling me I should do whatever I could to help. So I kept coming, healing everyone I came across, hoping someone could train me, but putting the healing first."
      "That's why you didn't tell me."
      "Yes, that and everything I told you before. I finally came across some of you, only to witness the death of one of the strongest. I realized then that you had only one ally and you had to train him from scratch. So I felt it was best to hide my power; you already had too much on these," she said, her hands gently massaging his shoulders.
      "As you kept coming and we realized how similar our lives are, you became a friend. When you said I was so much help with your problems and you helped me with mine, I realized you had become more, but I knew I had to wait until you were ready to..." Zandre said, some of her pain creeping into her eyes.
      Gohan saw it, about to say something when someone started singing his feelings. 

I can tell by the look in your eyes you've been hurtin'
You know I'll never let you down... oh no
And I'll try anything to keep it workin'
You gave me time to find out
What my heart was lookin' for
And what I'm feelin' inside... 

      He chuckled slightly and took her chin, pulling her close, "I guess it fits," he said, kissing her passionately.
      As they parted Zandre said, "I suppose I have to stop and sing along," she joked, pulling away.
      "The hell you do," Gohan replied, pulling her close, his hands sliding back to her waist.
      They were both a little surprised; Zandre at his choice of words, Gohan at finding out the tee shirt was all she was wearing. His hands slowly started up her back as she straddled his lap. Zandre leaned back into his caresses, her hair falling in a curtain in front of her as her shirt ended up around her neck. Gohan sat up as he pulled it over her head from behind, using it to gather her hair behind her as he threw it to the floor.
      Zandre sat still and blushed nervously as Gohan took in her nude form. He slowly reached out with his left hand, tracing her jaw as he said, "Is this...?"
      She slowly nodded, her blush going deeper as his fingers went down her neck, along her collarbone, his hand going flat against her as her stroked her breast gently. She closed her eyes as the sensations he was creating rippled through her body. She quickly opened them as his right hand touched her cheek.
      "I know you'll be gentle," she whispered, kissing his palm as his right took a similar path as his left. As the sensations doubled, Zandre found her own hands caressing him everywhere; his back, his chest, his arms. The sensations getting stronger and a wetness building between her legs made her dare to go between his.
      She slid her hand down his pants, within his boxers, her fingers lightly stroking him. Gohan shuddered involuntarily, his head falling to her right shoulder. She hesitated, then heard him hoarsely whisper, "Don't stop."
      She pulled her hand free, trying to remove his clothes. Gohan looked up in shock, then realizing what she was doing, he slowly rose about a foot above the bed. They quickly removed his clothes and Zandre stopped, a little of her nervousness returning. Gohan gently smiled in understanding and pulled her into a deep languorous kiss as they slowly lowered back to the bed.
      He slowly ran kisses down her neck as he laid back, pulling her along. The kisses kept going down as Gohan rolled them over, running them around her breast, lingering at the peak before running them to the other. All Zandre could do was lay there, running her hands through his hair, torn between preventing or prolonging this exquisite torture.
      He slowly took his trail of kisses back up to her mouth, showing her how much he loved her as his hands roamed all over her body. Her own hands slid out of his hair, down his scarred, muscled torso, stroking his... Gohan paused, groaning into her mouth, showing her what she was doing to him.
      Zandre got a little more daring, knowing she was giving him the same sensations he was building in her. She started running kisses down his neck, forcing him to role over as she came to his chest. Her hands slid up his body as she straddled him, putting her so close to... She started kissing his chest, his scars, her mass of hair falling everywhere. His hands slid into her hair, holding it out of her way. He laid back and watched as her kisses ran lower and lower, putting her closer to him.
      Gohan gently pulled her back up, kissing her as he rolled them over. His hand slowly slipped down her body, his fingers playing between her legs. Zandre laid there, gasping at all the sensations that were running up her body. When she could think again, she reached for him, smiling when her paused in his assault on her.
      Zandre took his chin, kissing him with all the love she had for him as she stopped, taking his hand away from her. Gohan pulled back, looking her in the eye, trying to tell if she... Zandre slowly nodded back, wrapping her legs loosely around his hips. He gently touched her face, pulling her into a long deep kiss as he slowly entered her.
      They just laid there for a while, kissing and caressing as he contained his need for her, allowing her to get comfortable, adjusting to this new sensation. She slowly responded, hands roaming freely, kissing with such intensity, and finally moving her hips against his. He kept it slow at first, giving her time to get the rhythm. She got it quickly and, as her needs gained strength, she forced him to roll over. Her hands came to rest beneath his shoulders as they started moving faster, the pleasure and power building between them. All at once she felt his body tense up beneath her as their pleasure took control, shooting to her fingers, her toes, even her teeth.
      It finally subsided and she laid down on top of him, feeling it release him as well. They just laid there, arms going around each other as they slowly caught their breath.
      "Are you okay?" Gohan asked, his left hand stoking her hair, his voice tinged with worry.
      Zandre turned to him, smiling, "I've never felt better. I just hope it gets better," she replied, stretching against him.
      He leaned his head forward, meeting her in a kiss before whispering, "There's only one way to find out."
      He moved his hips again, starting a new feeling within her. "Oh, Gohan!" she moaned as the started building new sensations. 

      Zandre woke up and slowly stretched, stopping when she touched something warm and solid. She slowly opened her eyes to find little brother in bed with her and, after a mental search, Gohan gone. She slowly sat up, wondering if she'd be stiff or sore after the countless times they made love. She was his basket on the floor, seeing a not within the clothes. She slowly picked it up, and putting him in her lap, read it aloud. 

      Zandre, 

        I'm so sorry I can't be there to watch you wake up, the sun shining in your hair, your eyes, but I've got to get home. You know my mother thinks we've already done this before. I only wish I could come see you during the day, but as you know that's almost impossible.
      I want you to know I don't regret anything we did. We opened up, admitted how we feel and expressed our love. Watching you now makes me want to again. But we can't.
      Not now, we have duties.
      Zandre, I love you. You are the only one I can really open up to. You know me better than anyone. And now I know you feel the same way.
      I don't know when I'll be able to come again, hopefully tonight. 

      Until then,
        Gohan 

      P.S.: Sorry about little brother. I finally had that heart-to-heart with him and thought you'd like to know. 

      Zandre smiled, looking at the green-gray egg, "So now you finally know how your big brother feels," she said, placing him in his basket as she headed for the bathroom. 



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      Author's note: The song is "Heaven in Your Eyes" by Loverboy. It's on the Top Gun Soundtrack.