"Not Much Between Despair and Ecstasy"
By Ani 

Chapter Two 

      I've got to get to her. She can help better than anyone. Where was it? Gohan thought, losing control and crashing through some bushes. Zandre, where are you? She said she usually comes out weekly but I haven't seen her yet this week. Where is she? his mind rambled, the pain slowly taking control. He crawled out of the bushes, slipping and falling on his face. He slowly turned toward the only ki he sensed, exerting his last bit of control; screaming mentally, barely audible physically, "Zandre." 

      She was really upset. She had to admit it was nice to see him again, she only wished it wasn't in this condition. His left shoulder had been dislocated and the muscles severely bruised. His right arm was broken in three places. His left leg in four. His right knee was seriously sprained and twisted. He had a concussion. He was covered in minor cuts, bruises and burns. And three ribs were broken, with some slight internal bleeding.
      That wasn't the worst; he had a temperature of 120°. He was shivering and sweating. She couldn't do a thing until that fever broke or he'd never get back to his old self. She didn't know if he'd make it.
      The teakettle whistling made her push her fear aside, concentrating on breaking his fever. She took the kettle and medicine back to the spare room she'd set him up in. she set it all on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed. She had done what she could for his injuries already, but she knew he needed a lot more.
      She felt her hand on her face, mimicking the scars on his. She slowly reached out, tracing his scars then the lines of his face. I guess he's been through a lot since we met. But they do seem to make him more handsome. She jumped a little as she realized he was reacting, leaning into her caresses.
      She forced herself to stop daydreaming and try waking him; he didn't have the time for her fantasies. She took his face in her hands and shook him, calling his name, "Gohan, Gohan."
      He slowly groaned, forcing his eyes open, "Uuhh... Z-Zandre, thank Kami I found you. Can you help me?"
      She leaned over him, holding his head up and pressed the tea to his lips. "Drink this. I can't do anything until this fever breaks or you'll never get completely healed," she said, amazed when he drank it all in one gulp.
      "So this is what being sick feels like," he mumbled, a weak smile crossing his face.
      "You've never been sick, great! No, wait. Gohan, have you ever found out how fast you do heal?" she asked, her professional side prevailing.
      "Bulma said it's twice as fast as humans," he said around a yawn.
      "Well then... it should take a day or two for this fever. That should be safe enough," she muttered, thinking through his condition and his needs. She turned back to him, only to smile at his sleeping face. She pulled the covers up around his neck and left the room. 

      She had just shown her last 'patient' out and was about to clean up, when she could hear him almost yelling. She rushed in to find him still asleep, thrashing wildly. I've got to wake him before he makes his injuries worse, she thought, trying to hold him still and forcing her presence on him as she called his name. "Gohan, come on! Wake up, Gohan!"
      "No!!" he suddenly screamed, eyes snapping open as he bolted upright. Zandre just happened to be prepared, holding the pan as he got reacquainted with his lunch. As he stopped, she put the pan aside and helped to slowly lay him back down, groans and grunts escaping all the way.
      "I don't suppose you'll tell me what that was about?" she asked.
      Gohan just laid there, eyes closed, trying to control himself, so she took the pan and left to prepare supper. 

      He made it through the night until around eleven o'clock. She just finished getting ready for bed when she heard him muttering. She rushed in to hear him yelling for someone named Krillin, watching tears roll down his cheeks. His hands slowly started to glow; she risked her secret, trying what she could to push his ki level down.
      She was at his side in seconds, shaking him as much as she could. "Gohan, wake up. It's too late. Gohan, Gohan."
      Zandre felt his ki lowering itself, watching as he turned away, eyes and jaw clenching tight. She walked around the bed and sat on the empty side, watching his tensed face failing to hold back his pain. "Gohan, you can't hold in all this guilt. It wasn't your fault your friend died." 
      He slowly shook his head, "No, if I could have gotten there sooner..."
      She reached out, gently placing her hand on his sore shoulder, "Gohan, those 'if I coulds' will only drive you crazy. I kept if-ing myself for years; if only I stopped my mother, made her stay with me. It wasn't until I'd prevented almost the same thing for someone else that I realized it's useless. Someone told me after that to think about her and if she'd approve of what I'd been doing. Gohan, do you think your friends would want you to carry all this guilt with you?"
      His face was full of guilt and confusion. "I know what you're saying, and they wouldn't, but..."
      "No buts, Gohan, if they don't blame you, how can you blame yourself? If you've got to blame anything, blame the Jinzouningen. They're the ones who took them from us," she replied.
      Gohan slowly nodded, "I know, I know, but I keep reliving it all in my dreams."
      "I could sit with you, read to you, or something to help," Zandre offered.
      "If it isn't a problem... will you read that?" he said, pointing at a book sitting on the nightstand.
      She reached over, picking it up. "Sure. Another payment, huh; wow, one I haven't read."
      "Another payment?" he asked.
      "It's kind of a long story. The short of it is I somewhat teach the children around here by letting them read any book I've collected. The people know I'm a bookworm, so when they feel compelled to pay, it's usually with necessities or books." 
      He nodded as she settled in next to him. She read out loud until both were asleep. 

      She was woken up by a vise-like grip on her hand slowly getting too tight. Gohan held her hand in a death grip as another nightmare started. She moved as close to his head as she could, whispering, "Gohan, listen to me, this is your dream, you've got total control over it. Do whatever you want. Stop them, destroy them. Anything. Take control."
      "Control," he mumbled, his grip relaxing enough to let her feel her fingers.
      "Yes, control, do what you want to. Take all this anger and guilt out on them. You've got the power, do it," she whispered, wishing she could help him do it for real.
      He let out a wicked little laugh, surprising her. She could barely understand his mumbled conversation, making out Piccolo, Vegeta, Daddy, and Tien. She wondered what they were talking about, if he was telling about her; wishing she could cut in and talk to him. A sudden mention of Bulma, Trunks and Mommy made her realize where his dream was turning, so she stopped paying attention and tried to go back to sleep. 

      Gohan slowly pulled himself out of his dream, wanting to tell her it helped. He turned to find her head inches from his, lost in sleep, a single tear resting on her nose. He let go of her hand, wiped the tear away, gently stroking her cheek, and whispered, "He's proud of you, Zandre. They all are."
      He took her hand again and turned away, falling asleep fast. He didn't see her smile, her lower lip trembling. 

      The next two days went by smoothly. The nightmares stopped, but she still found herself sleeping in the bed with him those nights. The fever broke the second afternoon; and when he found out her healing ability worked a lot like his ki, weakens when used too much, Gohan only let her heal his broken ribs and the internal bleeding.
      Zandre was thoroughly amazed every time she checked him out. Gohan was healing as fast as he'd said. She began taking notes on his condition, realizing he'd probably be making a lot of visits to her. He was so happy when she let him out of bed after only two weeks, a week early by her terms.
      She had set him up in a chair in the living room; as soon as she'd finished, her daily flow of patients started coming. Gohan kept those who had to wait entertained, a good portion of the time telling tales of his father or of his own fights with the Jinzouningen.
      Zandre came to get her last patient and got a nice little surprise. A five-year-old little boy was sitting in Gohan's lap, his mother standing between her and the little scene.
      "He's been running a really high temperature, he won't do anything, and he won't tell us what's wrong," his mother said, turning to Zandre.
      Gohan just looked the little guy in the eyes. "You're not feeling well, huh? You know you've got to tell Zandre what's wrong or she can't fix you, right?" He only nodded. "You're probably scared she'll hurt you, or worse, that the medicine will taste yucky." Another nod.  "She took care of me and it didn't hurt. You know what, I've been sitting here all day and the only time anyone said it hurt was when they wouldn't tell her what was wrong. You know what else?" Another nod. "If you tell Zandre you're Gohan's friend, she'll give you her secret ingredient that makes the medicine yummy, okay?"
      "Okay," he mumbled, shaking Gohan's good hand.
      She shook her admiration and walked over to them. "So Gohan, I see you're making some new friends. Let's go in the next room and we can find out what's wrong," she said as she took the little boy from Gohan's lap. 

      After she'd taken care of Gohan's new friend, sending him home with medicine and her secret ingredient, Zandre helped Gohan into the kitchen, setting him up at the table to help with what he could. As soon as she turned away, she went to a portable stereo on the counter, starting a tape. The music was somewhat old, but then… He sat back and watched as she unconsciously sung along with then, sometimes stopping what she was doing, sometimes even stopping singing.
      When supper was ready, she turned it off and joined him for the meal and their usual conversation; comparing childhoods. They found a lot of similar aspects; mothers that pushed studies, fathers that loved to fight, large parts of childhood without fathers, and that amazingly strong bond with fathers.
      As supper finished, she absently picked up the dishes and went about washing them. The tape was immediately turned on and Gohan sat back, noticing the same patterns again.
      She'd just gotten done drying as he asked, "Why do you do that?"
      "Do what?"
      "You sing along with most of them, some that's all you'll do. The ones you don't sing with you'll stop whatever you're doing. Why?" he tried to phrase it.
      She stopped, turning to face him. "I had little contact with the world outside of the monastery growing up. So when Mama and I left, I found out about a lot of things, like music. As I grew up, I hoarded it like crazy, finding songs I like, ones that fit my life and ones that fit what I wanted in my life, my future. Those are the ones I stop doing everything for. I sing along with the ones I like, and I only sing with the ones that…" she stopped, getting lost in the memories.
      "That fit how your life has been. I can see why," he finished, a strange melancholy falling over both.
      "Why do you ask? Was I that bad?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood.
      "No, no, not at all. You were great. I guess it's just curiosity," he replied, a slight blush on his face. "You left the monastery with your mother, why?" he asked, trying to change the subject.
      Zandre put the last dish away, then turned to him said, "That was so long ago. It really started when I was four. Papa and Chaotzu got a visitor who left really fast. They spent some time with the monks, then Papa came into the little house Mama and I had. Papa told us they had to go away and train for a year because some evil aliens were coming. Mama immediately got worried about it; I just asked if they were like Papa. He said they weren't and that there would be others fighting with him so we had nothing to worry about.
      "I was told to got to my room because Mama and Papa needed to be alone. I sat in my room and listened to Mama cry and Papa consoling her. It stopped after a while and he came in my room. He put me in his lap and told me to keep an eye on Mama so she doesn't worry herself sick, keep up my studies, and keep tabs on him and Chaotzu with my mind. We sat there in quiet for a while, holding each other, then he turned my head so we looked each other in the eye and he mentally said, 'I don't want to worry your Mama, so I'm telling you this way. If anything happens to us, go to the Capsule Corporation Headquarters. I've got friends there who can help. Okay?' I asked him if he wasn't coming back and all he'd say was we'll see. He hugged me and for the first time said, 'I love you, Zandre.' And they left," she said, sitting at the table.
      "We made it through the year, I'd check on them every day, not knowing if I should tell Mama or not. Then the fight came. Mama already knew when I found her. She decided that night we had to leave; she couldn't stay where everything reminded her of him. I told her what he'd said, but she didn't want to, they'd been hiding the truth for too long. So we lived in the East Capital until the Jinzoningen appeared, then she thought we should come here." She stopped, a few tears falling softly.
      Gohan took her hand in his left. "And that's how she died, coming here." He paused, watching her nod. "Not to pry or anything, but didn't you feel it when they came back?"
      Zandre nodded, "Yes, but she wouldn't believe me, she thought it was my imagination or the trauma of it. As I got older, I'd try to touch his mind, anything to let him know… but he was always out of reach," she said, the tears falling a little faster.
      Gohan realized when to stop, she wouldn't tell much more. He started shifting in his chair, trying to get up. "I'm real tired, how 'bout we call it a night?" he asked watching, her.
      She looked up at him with a small smile. 

      The third week went by amazingly fast. Zandre took his casts off at the end of the week, again sooner than expected. Gohan immediately started some simple training moves after regaining movement in both limbs.
      "Why don't you go out back and do some really light exercises?" Zandre asked as her first patient showed up. "It'll give you more room."
      "Okay," he replied, heading out the back door as she went to the front.
      It as an amazingly beautiful and slow day, so Zandre had many opportunities to check on Gohan, even going out to watch him three times. He effortlessly and fluently completed many moves she'd seen her father do, had even done a few herself. The feelings it evoked and someone showing up gave her a reason to go in, to stop.
      It was when she'd catch sight of him through a window that troubled her. Gohan would be in the middle of a punch or jab and stop, grabbing his right elbow. Some he'd be stopped, head back, eyes closed. So she called him in before lunch was ready.
      "Any problems?" she asked, turning back to fixing the meal, hoping he'd tell her.
      "Just going a little too far," he said, holding his right elbow and flexing his arm.
      "Just?" she said, turning to him.
      He blushed slightly, "Okay, every time I move my arm fast, it feels like something is scratching the muscle on the inside," he replied to her scrutiny.
      She got a serious look in her blue-green eyes that, for a second, reminded Gohan of Bulma. Zandre took hold of his arm and closed her eyes. He hands started glowing with a strange green energy. "It's not these two, they're fine," she mumbled, her left hand sliding down to stop above his elbow. "There's your problem. It's not quite healed; you've got a scratch that's in just the right spot. I could heal it now, but knowing how you heal, it should be gone by nightfall if you'll stop the practicing."
      He stood there, staring, so she turned to pull the meal together. She started getting the dishes together and asked, "Would you please stop staring and set the table?"
      Gohan chuckled softly, and turning to the cupboard said, "Sorry, it's just not something I'm used to. How'd you find out you could do that?"
      "Hmm," she thought as she placed the dishes on the table, "that's just a matter of control. It's what I have to do before I heal anyone."
      "When did you find out you could heal?" Gohan asked as they sat.
      Zandre pulled her deep green hair over her shoulder, absently braiding it. "I always have. I don't remember when it started. Mama said the first time they saw it I was two. Papa had practiced a little too hard and cut himself on something. He came in to get it bandaged and Mama sat me in his lap to get them. I just put my hands on the cut and my hands started glowing. They sat there in shock as the glow moved around his arm. It stopped, I let go and the cut was gone," she said, tossing the braid over her shoulder.
      "So as I grew up, we found out all that I could and couldn't do. Because I could heal, Mama thought I had to learn about the herbal medicines that she and the monks gave out, so she taught me about it. That's part of the reason I stay up here and take care of any who need it," Zandre finished, reaching for the food.
      Gohan nodded, his mind lost in his own problems. As they finished, she realized something was wrong; there were leftovers. She turned to him, "Gohan, is there anything else wrong?"
      He visibly shook himself. "No, just wondering why some of my exercises were too much for me," he paused, looking at her, "that, and I just realized I've been here for almost a month and no one has come looking for me," he exclaimed, somewhat confused.
      Well, your ki was pretty weak when I brought you here, but I've been hiding it since then, even as it's gotten stronger and you started hiding it yourself, she thought as she stood to clear the table. "No one's shown up asking about you. I don't know about it. As for the exercises, you aren't completely healed yet. You've got to give it at least one more day, okay? Just because I helped doesn't mean it's finished."
      He laughed. "Yeah, you're right." He got up, bringing most of the dishes to the sink. "Do you wanna wash or dry?" he asked, starting the water. 

      Gohan stayed with Zandre for another week. She couldn't understand it. He even helped out with everything, even learning a little about the medicines. He trained every chance he had, working harder and longer as the week rolled on. As Sunday evening rolled around, Zandre pulled him outside, stopping at the edge of the cliff.
      "Gohan, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but don't you think it's time to go home?" she asked, turning to look at the remnants of the city.
      He stood in silence beside her; she smiled as he stopped hiding his ki and somewhat sent his mind out. She lowered her own masking of him, and sensing the shock from the others, almost laughed.
      "I suppose I should, they are definitely worried," he said, turning to her.
      "You've got no choice now," she said, smiling at him.
      "Zandre, thanks for everything. The healing, getting rid of the nightmares, my guilt, giving me a safe haven from everything," he said, his voice slowly getting softer.
      She almost jumped, shocked and amazed at his remark, the truth in it. "It was an honor and a privilege to help one who's had a similar life. But then what are friends for, huh?" She paused, watching him smile. "Don't hesitate about coming back. But please, a few times when you're not hurt."
      He laughed, "Deal. Thanks again, Zandre-chan," he said, hugging her.
      "Just remember what I said," she whispered in his ear.
      Gohan pulled away, smiling at her, and started floating away. "Til next time."
      "See you then, and please, no injuries," she replied.
      He chuckled as he turned and headed home. She stayed there watching, smiling as another being popped up from the city, flying to meet Gohan. Zandre laughed as they circled, looped, and did other mid-air tricks as they headed for Gohan's house. 

      Zandre got a strange little surprise in the morning. She'd just finished breakfast when someone knocked. She answered the door, only to find a few textbooks stacked on the doorstep. She knelt to pick them up, noticing a slip of paper poking out of the top book. She pulled it out and read: 

        Just another payment. Now you can really teach them, if any will want to take one. Thanks again, Zandre. You have no idea how much that time together means to me. Maybe I'll explain it to you when I can visit. (Mom won't let me out of her sight.)
        Until then,
          Gohan
        P.S. Don't ruin the ending for me. 

      Zandre could only laugh.